4 Secrets About Motherhood & The Truth That Set Me Free

Hey you.

The mama of a single child.  

The mama of twins.

The mama of boys.  

The mama of girls.

The new mama.

The seasoned mama.  

And every mama in between.

Motherhood is tiring.  Rewarding, but tiring.  And despite my hesitations, I'm here to tell you four secrets about motherhood.  It's not something I was ever taught.  Or told.  Or "warned".  These are a few things I've been learning along the way.   I wish someone had given me this list when I first became a mother, almost 8 years ago.

So, here we go...

SECRET #1:

Motherhood can be very lonely.  I miss having a regular social life.  And I'm not talking about the occasional "night out" you've scheduled with your other mama friends once a year.  Or the coffee date with that friend whom you've been trying to catch up for months!  Or the "special occasion" date you manage to schedule with your hubby.  Afterall, it IS his birthday!  Or your anniversary!  Or YOUR birthday!  Have you tried to have a "real" conversation with your spouse at home, or even with a friend at the grocery store,  just to be interrupted by your little one?  The one wanting to get his butt wiped, belly fed, and fingernails clipped?  Your relationships become secondary and while you deeply love your baby and spend long days (and nights) caring for your little ones, you begin to feel isolated.

TRUTH #1:  True and deep friendships are born during this highly stressful season of our lives.  What a GIFT we can give other mamas when we choose to share life together.  Sharing life as we nurse, clean bottoms, and wipe sticky hands.  When we admit that we're not perfect, we can open up our imperfect lives to those who might be feeling the same isolation as you do.  Ecclesiastes 4 talks about the importance of friendship and partnership. "Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil.  For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow.  But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up!"  I truly believe that!  Not only do I heavily rely on my husband to parent my kids, but I also need friendships to carry me through messy days.  We cannot do this mommyhood alone!

SECRET #2:

I'm not an expert or perfect.  And you aren't, either.  But why do we try so hard?  Have you ever wanted to invite a girlfriend over for a playdate, just to realize that your house is an absolute disaster?  Toys everywhere!  Dust!  Stained toilets!  Dirty dishes!  PILES of laundry... everywhere!  Then there's the random and giant amount of papers, school worksheets, crayons, pens and pencils... on the table, under the table, hiding behind cabinets, chairs, and kitchen counters?  And that's not even looking at the stuffed animals and shoes found in every room and corner of the house!  Really?  Really!!!  REALLY?  We can't possible keep up!  And forget about those Pinterest-perfect birthday parties, Valentines, and Christmas gifts.  I. Can't. Even.
  

TRUTH #2:  His GRACE is sufficient.  2 Corinthians 12:9 says, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."  And Philippians 4:13 says, "I can do ALL things through him who strengthens me."  So, because of God's GRACE, you and I don't need to be "experts" or "perfect" mamas.  We are only to depend on His strength.  Whether or weakness is cleaning, or organizing, or crafting.  Take heart, friend!  We don't need to seek perfection.  How else would we hunger for Jesus?

SECRET #3:
Regardless of how long you spend on meal planning, someone, anyone, everyone will most likely say these words... "I don't like ____".  Fill in the blank.  Carrots.  Beans.  Green beans.  Potatoes.  Chicken.  Rice.  WHAT?  Since when?  Any one of those wasn't a problem yesterday... or the day before!!!! For crying out loud!!!  Really?
  
TRUTH #3:  I keep serving my family.  Cooking isn't my favorite thing to do.  But Colossians 3:23 encourages me, "Whatever you do, work heartily as for the LORD and not for men."  Or kids.  Or spouse.  Or even your mother.  I am encouraged to do everything as for the LORD.  So I keep trying, and cooking, and serving those around my table... even when they don't like what's on the menu tonight.  

SECRET #4:

Anger is my sin.  And sin creeps in when I'm tired, sleepless, or hungry.  Yes, I said HUNGRY.  I mean, I can seriously start to raise my voice at my 3 year-old if it's lunchtime and we're not even close to the checkout at the store.  Okay... maybe I shouldn't have gone to the store so close to lunchtime in the first place!  WHO DOES THAT?  Especially when you forget to bring a snack, a piece of candy, or an apple sauce pouch in your purse... for such a time as that!  But let me share a quote that rocked my world from Priscilla Shirer's book Fervent (If you haven't picked that up, yet, you NEED TO!); It says, "Your enemy wants you long-term angry.  And he can use even the lightest offense to do it."  The offense here is directed at myself.  I get angry when I "think" I'm a failure.  I get angry when I "feel" rejected or disrespected or ignored.  The "ugly" mama comes out louder and louder when I "feel" that no one is hearing me.  Afterall, am I the only one who thinks that kids don't listen to their mama until they YELL???  Am I?
  

TRUTH #4:  God's Word, God's Word, God's Word!!!!  The Bible cannot be forgotten, ESPECIALLY when I'm angry!  I get wisdom, encouragement, and the very words of God in my mind, heart and soul!  It's SHARP!  And it's AVAILABLE!  So despite my failures, I know I need to be in the Word!  ALSO...  Baking is a true form of therapy.  Okay, okay... before I go on about how much sugar, flour, and vanilla extract we go through our household, let me just give you a quick disclaimer.  I've always loved baking (not cooking), but I sincerely cannot possibly eat all the baked goodies (or whatever results from my therapy "sessions") before it becomes another problem.  So, go ahead and either, 1) judge me, 2) beg for cookies, or 3) share with me your "therapy" guilt!  *sigh* ALRIGHT!  Let's continue...  because anger is my sin, and because I would personally tend to turn to a glass of wine or lots of chocolate, I'm here to tell you that Jesus (and baking) has saved me from my past alcohol trouble.  I can take chocolate (in moderation).  But anger can also lead me to alcohol... a problem I'd rather not bring up from my careless past.  So, praise God for His Word!

I love being a mama.  I can go on and on about each one of my children.  Their individual character traits, temperaments, likes and dislikes.  And I know you can, too.  And I believe, with all my heart, that you love your child(ren).  So let me encourage us to keep being the mamas we were called to be.  You're doing amazing!  You're the exact person God chose to parent your child(ren).  And let's NOT allow these "secrets", or realizations, stop us from having true relationships with other mamas, or relying on Jesus for grace and strength.  And let's remember that whatever we do, we do it for the LORD.   Let's cling to His truths, in His unfailing and living Word.  Go and be awesome!  Because you already are!

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And... I realized there was another secret I didn't know...  Postpartum depression IS REAL.  And I'll be dedicating a whole new post on that soon...  So stay tuned.